She told me survival is a talent

She hates nights. All monsters attack at night. Surprise is that they don't come out from under the bed, they come out from her head. She cried all night long and then she cut herself all day long. She's hurt. She doesn't afraid of hell, the hell must be better than her life. She can't do this anymore. She is really fragile creature and she lets people destroy her. Someone told her she deserves it. Her best friend is death who always whisper in her ear ' come on little girl, i'm here for you '. She's not a little girl anymore. There isn't God. There aren't fairies and elves. There isn't love anymore. There is darkness, monsters and abandoned girl who tries not to wake the neighbors when she screams at night.

Happy birthday to my blog (:

Today my little blog turns one. I created this blog year ago to write about happy things in my life, but it doesn't work to be honest. I love blogging though. I love all my followers. I just wanna you to know that i'm really grateful that you read my silly posts. 

Today i woke up and realized that i slept well last night. I missed sleeping. Good night's sleep makes you happier, healthier and more productive. I went to sign up to geography and maths course that will prepare me for the exams. Then, i went with my friend to coffee shop and talked with her for hours. I love talking with people about our mutual remembrances. The weather is awful, but i feel pretty ok. 

Hello insomnia

I'm really tired, but i can't sleep. I don't remember the last time i slept. Probably 2 months ago. The average adult needs about 7 hours of sleep. I sleep maximum one hour per day so it's not normal i guess. I don't think i am in any mood. I'm not sad. I'm not happy. I'm just  tired. I feel like a robot in a computer game without brain and soul. But it's ok, i would rather feel nothing at all than be sad. On the other hand i just need some sleep. I walk, go shopping, eat, learn and smile. I even got 100 % on a Math test. It's a big success cause i suck at Math. The problem is that i can't be happy about it cause my brain is dead. 

Things make me happy

I just broke. Broke just like the mirror. Into little pieces that fell to the floor. And i need to pick myself up and give myself a chance at happiness. Again.

Today i went to school. I spent 6 days in my bed so i had to get a grip on myself. Getting out of bed may help.

Beautiful girl from this blog  inspired me to do my 'happy list' and even though i'm not happy right now i think it's a lovely idea.  Let's get it started.

1. Sea - i love the noise, the smell , the cold. One of the best place to rest. 

2. Bed - the safest place on Earth

3. Feeling loved 

3. Books you can't put down

4. Baggy sweaters

5. Hot tea

6. Making people smile

7. Songs that relate to you

8. Saying hello to strangers

9. The smell outside after rain

10. Thunderstorms

11. Holding hands

12. Kisses on the forehead

13. Silence that isn't awkward

14. Good morning texts

15. Really long goodbyes

16.  Animals

17. Forests

18. Taking pictures

19. Piano music

20. Silly faces

21. Art 

22. This 

23. Birdsongs

24.  Fireplace

25. Emma <3

The saddest girl on Earth

Something is wrong, you know that things come back and you can't deal with it. Sometimes the past comes to us, without asking us for permission. You don't have the strength to fight, you are weak. You spend every day in bed, because only in this place you feel safe. You run away from people. You struggle with yourself. Give up. 

"Death must be so beautiful. To lie in the soft brown earth, with the grasses waving above one’s head, and listen to silence. To have no yesterday, and no tomorrow. To forget time, to forgive life, to be at peace."

- Oscar Wilde

Sunday, wake up, give me a cigarette.

I can't remember the last time i was so happy. Today i woke up at 9 am and i didn't want to go to school. I went there anyway. And i don't regret. It was the first time i like this school. Teachers were happy, because the week coming to an end and they were so funny and we laughed all the time. When i finished school, i met with my friend at the mall. Omg, the weather was astonishing. It was raining and blowing a gale. We had a great time together, drunk a cup of coffee and walked around the shops. We spent a lot of time in bookshop, we browsed droll books and laughed. Shop-boy looked at us like we were stoned. I was sad lately, i didn't wanna talk with people, i'd rather be alone. But today i realized  that i needed friends which make me happy. I needed kissing, hugging, hitting, shouting, laughing, biting, babbling and stuff like that. I needed real positive emotions. I missed people. In the evening my mum borrowed me her car and i drived ! It was dark and frightfully but also exciting. I love driving, but  i am still afraid of it. Tomorrow i'm going to shopping with my another friend (we were friends at the beginning of high school but then we stopped talking to each other) cause it will be great repricing at the mall. I'm so excited, cause i really missed her. She changed the class and our friendship fell apart for uknown reasons. I hope tomorrow will be such a lovely day like today. I should start to learn Math, but i don't want to spoil the mood. On Tuesday i'm going to have a test and i can't do anything.  I'm off to clean my room cause my room is a disaster right now. 

I know if I go, I'll die happy tonight

On 15.09 i had my first driving licence exam and i passed it. Today i got my driver's license and i can legally drive. Omg, i'm so excited. 

I'm busy lately, i have a lot of work in school.  I made a statement and i'm going to have  exams in geography, polish, english and maths in May. I chose college. I would like to study at Maritime university. I'm so nervous, not enough time to learn. It will be a hard year.

I discovered this song recently and i love it, remainds me of my holidays.