Autumn monotony

Leaves fall from the trees, you realised that autumn is coming. 
Naked, frozen body hides under a warm blanket.
Open your eyes, get up and drink a cup of coffee. 
Then you go back to bed under a warm blanket. 
Naked, warm body hides from the autumn. 
Something is in the air. Can you feel it ? 
Yes, it smells like loneliness. 


There is another world, There is a better world

Dear friend,

I don't know if you know my name, i don't remember if you asked me about it. I asked you, i always ask people about stuff. Dear Phillip.

I'm sick and depressed right now. When my mood isn't so good i always think about things which make me happy. But not today. Today i think about you and the night which i will never forget. I don't wanna sound pathetic but this night was special, i remember every single word, every touch and laugh.
I remember everything. I remember that my friend and i hadn't got any money so we broke in to the party at the beach. I didn't feel well, i ran away from the boy who wanted to dance with me. I wanted to leave that party, i pushed through the crowd and then... I saw you. You smiled at me and i stayed with you. I've never felt this way before. I felt like i knew you, like... we were together for a long time. Our bodies were very close, you looked into my eyes and we danced. We looked like we were a couple, it was like a perfect relationship. We hugged, kissed and sang. We left the party, walked a lot, talked about things with our poor english and then we went to your hotel.  You told me that there were 100 steps and you picked me up. I felt like in heaven. And then, in your hotel, we spent the most loveliest night in your bed, i remember the beating of your heart, conversation with you, your warmth and our clothes on the floor.

I wonder if you think about me sometimes. Sometimes i realy miss you, what we had was beautiful, but beautiful things only last for a moment.

PS You must be a special person, i was really drunk, but i remember everything.

Love, Margaret


Instead of being sixteen, I'm burning up a bible

"Everyone is a moon and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody"

It's raining right now, i feel like sky is crying with me. I don't know why, i'm stressed and everything makes me sad. Insomnia is my new friend. I can barely breathe, i can't concentrate on anything. Sometimes i just want to be like my bunny who is happy when she get a carrot, things are easier when you don't think too much. Driving licence, exams, studies, work, relationships - every single thing put pressure on me.  Never good enough. I just wanna go to sleep and never wake up again. I hope tomorrow will be better day, i need better days.

My friend sent me this song couple days ago and i like it a lot. 


Putting my heart back together

Oh, i came back from my holidays some days ago. I was in Netherlands, France, Spain and Monaco. I really like these countries, especially Netherlands even though the weather was horrible. And i am impressed with Monaco. Wow, when you are in this place you are the part of little big world. Expensive cars, louboutin shoes, dresses from prada, enormous hotels, casino and well... polish girl with dirty vans. (Unfortunatelly my camera broke up so i took only few pictures in Netherlands)

I started school and i am pretty nervous, this year will be the worst year ever. I have to learn a lot to pass my exam, which decides about my future. I don't know what to do after high school and this sucks. My insomnia came back and i feel like a zombie. Today, i went to the shopping centre after school and i saw three little boys who were talking non stop about food and it makes me happy. I just want to be like they, just innocent kid who doesn't care about future, diets, driving licence and stuff like that. It was a little bit stressful day and i need a hot bath. 

I hope you had lovely holidays and your day was better than mine.